Abusive Children
I went into work today more piratically attired than yesterday and got totally dissed. Very shortly after my arrival a small child in a Captain Jack Sparrow hat appearing to be no more than three or four years of age pointed to me and said "look, a pirate! Arrrrrrr!," so I said "avast, matey! How arrrrrre ye?," and his father asked if I would pose for a picture with the kid and I agreed to do so but the kid said to me "I'm not taking a picture with you! I don't know you!," and refused to have his picture taken with me.

Another insolent whelp who was probably closed to the age of five brazenly walked up and drew my sword from my belt and threatened me with it and there wasn't much I could do because I think my employer's corporate regulations have a specific prohibition against b****slapping little brats even if they totally deserve it so I merely laughed and told him to give my sword back and then turn over the contraband Coca-Cola he was attempting to smuggle into my territorial waters whilst his older sister mercifully restrained him and returned my property to its rightful owner. The worst part was that the little hoodlum was wearing an Eli Manning jersey. Grr. I mean arr.